5 Tips For Reading Facial Expressions

We say a lot even when we don’t say a thing. Body language is a clear give-away of what we’re feeling or thinking. Awareness will help us improve our body language and read others too! 

‘Lie To Me’ was a fascinating series featuring a deception detection expert who spotted criminals purely on facial expressions. It was based on the work of Dr Paul Ekman, the co-discoverer of micro-expressions.

Our facial expressions reflect what we feel on the inside and are therefore important to understand. Communication in offices today is done around a conference room table where body language like hand gestures, posture, crossing legs and facial expressions are noted.

Here are 5 things to keep in mind to understand facial expressions:

1. Should be consistent with our words: giving mixed cues of verbal and non-verbal communication is confusing. Always be consistent in what is being said and how it is said. For example, you may be unwell and in pain and you go in for a first meeting with someone. Your facial expressions may be inconsistent with your language and may be wrongly interpreted by the other person.
   
   
2. Eye contact: Eyes are called ‘the window to the soul’ and are said to ‘speak a thousand words’. Maintaining eye contact when speaking indicates interest. While intense staring is interpreted as aggression, shifty eyes that can’t hold a gaze are interpreted as the person being insincere. For example, if a junior looks away when timelines are being chalked out, the manager may not feel confident that he will deliver. 
   
   
   It is wise, however, to know the cultural impact of eye contact. Extended eye contact is not appropriate in certain cultures.
   
   
3. Eye movement: Blinking is a very minor movement but an important observation in a conversation. Blinking rate tends to increase when a person is stressed or uncomfortable. It also increases when the mind wanders.
   
   
   When someone is excited by an idea their pupils will be significantly more dilated. Similarly, looking down at the floor is a natural response when someone is not being truthful. Awareness about these cues gives may give you an edge in a conversation or negotiation.
   
   
4. Micro Expressions: Micro expressions are brief involuntary facial expressions that are difficult to fake and reveal the true inner feelings of a person. There are seven universal micro expressions: disgust, anger, fear, sadness, happiness, surprise and contempt. They often occur as fast as 1/15 to 1/25 of a second.
   For example – you may be speaking with an industry associate who may reiterate that he doesn't see you as competition but his facial expression says otherwise. You may detect that slight one sided slant that appears to be a smile but is actually contempt.
   
   
5. Lips: Pursed lips could indicate distaste or disapproval. Lip biting may mean stress. Covering mouth is indicative of hiding an emotional response. Slight changes in the mouth are subtle indicators of how a person is feeling – slightly up means happy, slightly down could mean sad or disapproval. A sincere smile will go a long way in establishing rapport with the other person. 

An awareness of facial expressions will help us develop more empathy and emotional intelligence as it helps us recognize feelings in others and therefore helps us respond better to others. 

When I take Image management sessions for my clients, non verbal communication is an important area that people come back and say has helped them in their daily lives.

7 Tips To A Good Handshake

A senior manager once told me that the key to creating a rapport, that first connection, with his clients is his smile and handshake. That’s the moment he’s got half the sale because he has set the tone of the meeting and made his clients feel at ease.

26% of hiring managers say that a weak handshake is a major turnoff for a job seeker.

It is not without reason that first impressions are called last impressions. A good handshake tells your story. It shows the person you are greeting, your personality as well as your attitude.

Messages a handshake can convey
•       The Bone crusher or Vice handshake – bone breaking squeeze. Aggressive, overbearing.
•       The Dead fish or Limp handshake – weak and clammy hands. Disinterested, introvert,            shaky, not confident.
•       The Claw – using only fingers in a claw-like grasp.  Inauthentic, shallow.
•       The Water Pump – exaggerated up and down movement. Extreme, Insincere.
•       The Firm Handshake – palm to palm, 2-3 pumps, delivered with a smile. Warm,                        sincere, confident, leadership qualities.  

Here's a humorous video to illustrate the above a bit more.

A handshake is the first and last thing we do at a meeting so getting it right is important. 
Here are 7 tips - 

1. Start conversation or an introduction
2. Stand up while shaking hands to show respect
3. Walk around anything (a table) that may be between you and the person you are shaking hands with
4. Establish eye contact to let the person know they are important. Also helps avoid the   ‘missed hand’ situation.
5. Smile – is actually the handshake before the handshake
6. Shake hands – a full palm to palm, firm-grip handshake with a hand pump 2/3 times  (shake from the elbow) is perfect
7. Dry hands – if you tend to have sweaty hands, keep a tissue in your pocket and use it     before you know you are going to be shaking hands (not in front of the person). Vice versa – if you have shaken hands with a sweaty palmed person, do not wipe your hands immediately and embarrass them. Do it discreetly or later.

Protocol
•       At work, there is no gender bias – you shake hands firmly with men and women. Be the         first to put out your hand.
•       Socially – you can wait for the lady to extend her hand first
•       When you are traveling to different countries keep in mind traditions around greeting              people including handshakes. 

Observe and practice handshakes with your friends and colleagues and get honest feedback. Share your interesting experiences with us and feel free to ask questions. 

How to Wear Patterns

Yesterday, while going to the office I noticed a gentleman wearing striped trousers and a checkered shirt and it got me thinking about wearing patterns. Indian clothes and patterns are very vibrant and many a time we see people wearing several colors, textures and patterns combined together. This is nice but if we keep in mind some pointers when it comes to patterns, we’d be better off. 

Patterns create illusions about the size, shape and weight of the body. Patterns attract attention. For example thin vertical stripes can make you look taller and thinner whereas thick vertical stripes and horizontal stripes can make you look wider. Small scale closely space patterns will be better than large scale widely spaced patterns that make you look bigger.

Patterns can be classified as classic or traditional and trendy. Classic patterns are ever green and include pin stripes, chalk stripes, pin dots, polka dots, coin dots, paisley, floral, tweed, herringbone, gingham checks, houndstooth, plaids, argyle. Trendy patterns are the ones in fashion for a while. These patterns tend to fade out quickly.  

How to wear patterns?

Scale – The most important point to remember while pairing patterns is the scale. Combine big and small patterns to create a balance. Generally, wear patterns that are mid or small scale. Large scale patterns attract attention. So wear small patterns in areas you want to draw attention away from. 

Add solids/neutrals to your outfit – Break the visual space by adding solids or neutrals to your outfits. You do this with bags, shoes, accessories or another article of clothing. 

Choose a color palette – Using colors from the same family or one main color when mixing patterns can be visually stimulating. Prints in similar backgrounds also look good. Try a monochrome colour palette. Prints in a black and white color palette are great for a classic look.

If you are a big fan of patterns, it’s advisable to stick to small scale geometric patterns at work, if not solid colors. One can experiment with other patterns, perhaps on Fridays at work and for casual wear. Choose patterns that will camouflage your body variations and enhance your body shape. 

My pinterest board http://bit.ly/1bwc46f  has more options.

How to make monochromatic work for you

Monochromatic literally means having or consisting of one color or hue. 

In fashion it means dressing from head to toe in one color. However, it’s not as boring as it sounds. Wearing a monochromatic outfit makes a bold statement and can really make us look chic. The best part is we tend to look slimmer and taller in monochromatic outfits. We are familiar with the date night ritual of all black.

How to pull off a great monochromatic look?

• Different shades of the same color works well. Try shades of brown and rust or light and dark blues.

• Play with textures and create an interesting effect.  Interesting texture combinations can be created using - Silk (which has a natural sheen), Wool (the dull, more subtle texture), Lace, Leather (whether used for a jacket, skirt or as trimming for clothes). A beige silk blouse or shirt paired with a leather jacket in the same color will look attractive.

We can make this work in the office too. Formal dressing works well in this scheme and the textures make an interesting statement. Use the duller fabric from the part of the body you want to draw attention away. The eyes get naturally drawn to the brighter fabric and this can be effectively used.

• The key to pulling together a great monochromatic look is in the accessories. No outfit is complete without the right shoes and accessories. Accessories should ideally be of the same color but you can get away with a touch of another color. For example if you dress in a blue outfit, a silver necklace would be perfect.

Of course, we are comfortable trying neutrals but do try combinations beyond neutrals like reds, pinks, oranges, rust. 

Look into your wardrobe and pull out tops, bottoms and accessories of the same color and experiment with a new look.

See my pinterest board for more monochromatic outfits http://bit.ly/1xecjg0

Wear Colors Of Spring - Holi Hai!

When trees sprout brilliant green leaves and the koels start cooing, we know spring is here. And it’s also time for the festival of colors – Holi. We Indians enjoy wearing bright colors most of the time and are perhaps most experimental with our color selection. However, some basics need to be kept in mind when wearing colors. One can wear almost any color but it’s the combination of colors that makes the difference. Its not only what you wear but how and where you wear it.

So why do we need to pay attention to colors? Colors draw attention to a particular part of body, they create illusions and they communicate moods and messages. For example Navy Blue communicates authority, stability and is classic, dignified. Orange communicates activity, adventure, creativity and is joyful, lively. Generally the lighter color attracts the eye, so if you want attention away from a particular area, wear a dark color there.
 It is recommended that 80% of our wardrobes comprise of neutral colors and 20% accent colors.

What are Neutral colors?
·       Muted or less bright a color is neutral
·       Adds versatility to your wardrobe by helping mix-n-match
·       Can easily combine with other colors that are brighter or darker
·       Neutrals go with a wide range of occasions and moods
·       Examples - Colors in tints and shades of cream, beige, brown, olive green, blue, grey,               black and white, etc. These colors build the basis of your wardrobe.

What are Accent colours?

·       Colours that add pop to your outfit are accent colours

·       Brighter than the wardrobe neutral combined with it. They are strong, intense,                         flamboyant.

·       Can combine with very few other clothes

·       These depend on personal preference and even the current fashion trends

·       Examples – fuchsia, shocking pink, lime green, canary yellow, tangerine, etc

How do you use/combine neutral and accent colors?
·       You can add accent colors to your neutral outfit by using bright colors as scarves, ties,             necklaces, dupattas and other accessories.
·       At the workplace accent colors should be used in very small proportion to neutral                     because you don’t want to distract co-workers. You need to be taken seriously.
·       On social occasions – one can use slightly larger amounts of accent colors

Someone who uses neutral and accent colors really well is Mr. Navjot Singh Siddhu.  We also admired Kate Blanchett's Oscar gown in black with the aquamarine accent piece.

Wearing colors also depends on other factors like personal hair and skin color etc.

Try creating different color combinations using different amounts of accent and neutral colors depending on the occasion and make your outfits chic and colorful. It is the festival of colors after all!

For interesting options on using accent colors in outfits check my pinterest board http://bit.ly/1GXATCe

Jackets: the new Indian obsession

I know for sure one thing you have discussed in the last few days - Narendra Modi’s jacket with his name used in the weave. The country has developed a renewed interest in jackets. Wearing suits and jackets used to be special occasion wear for our Dads worn for weddings or formal parties. Over the years the jacket has evolved, become more affordable, flexible and fashionable. It is has become part of a style statement worn by both men and women for formal, semi formal and also casual occasions.

A jacket adds color, style, formality, pizzazz to your outfit and makes you look sharper.

Whatever the kind of jacket - sports jacket, blazer, suit jacket or even a vest – the fit is what make or breaks the look. Large oversized jackets with big lapels are for grandfather’s closet. How does one know how to select a good jacket? 

Here are some pointers to give you that edge when you choose a jacket for yourself -

Fit: A well fitted jacket will be soft and draping at the hips and shoulders but brought in a bit at the waist and chest. You want the jacket to be stationary while you move. The fabric should not crease, tug or billow with movement.

Vents: The movement of the jacket is dependent on the venting - the presence and number of slits running upward from the base of the jacket. The double vented jacket is the one that offers the best and comfort fit that helps with movement.

Length: The bottom of a formal jacket should cover the bottom curve of the buttocks. This is largely for men. For women, it will depend on their body shape.

Sleeves: Ideally half inch of shirt cuff visible under the jacket sleeve.

Lapels: Lapels are the folded pieces of cloth that cover the chest. For a timeless jacket the lapels should be 3 inches to 3 ½ inches wide. Narrow lapels are more contemporary. Wider lapels are old school.

Getting the fit of the jacket right will enhance your body shape and overall image instantaneously. One can pair a jacket with crisp shirts or kurtas and well fitted dark jeans or trousers.

A wardrobe must have is a blazer which is a navy blue jacket that is cut more casually, has patch pockets and usually gold or silver buttons. For a more casual look, pair a blazer with jeans or chinos in a lighter colour. A suit jacket is to be worn with the suit only and is usually made of finer fabric.

Go ahead and add vests and jackets to your wardrobe. The colour, texture, pattern, fabric can be chosen according to the occasion (informal to formal), place and weather. Light cotton and Linen jackets are great for summers while blends work well for all seasons.

Check out interesting jacket looks on my pinterest boards http://bit.ly/1A7VLXU and http://bit.ly/1uyeEAO . If you have any questions around blazers or jackets do write in.

Introducing women at the workplace and socially

Do you believe in New Year resolutions? I do. One of my resolutions is to write more often and share my thoughts, ideas and experiences. And so I got down to doing just that a couple of days ago.

I was in a meeting earlier this week and when the introductions were being made, I sensed that there seemed to be an awkward moment of indecision (and fumbling) by a gentleman about how to introduce a lady to the seniors attending the meeting. Have you experienced anything similar sometime? We are all confused at some point on how to introduce a lady in the workplace. Should the lady be introduced first or the seniors or colleagues? What is appropriate? What about at a social gathering?

Let me share a few simple pointers to make things easier for all of us. Here goes...

The formal way to make all introductions is - 

Speak to the person you wish to honor first

What this means:

• Your boss or senior to be addressed first then a junior person in the company.
• Younger to older
• Clients are always to be addressed first. Then your boss or someone from your company.
• A woman will not be perceived as a competent professional if she acts or wants to be treated according to chivalry. A man who treats a female client or colleague in a chivalrous manner will be perceived as condescending.
• Socially it is appropriate to introduce a man to a woman. So a woman will be addressed first. 
• Within a work environment, consider only seniority and position of the person while making introductions.

Do add a point of common interest for both parties involved.  In a formal business meeting that would mean a brief background/role of the junior member being introduced to the senior. Socially too this ensures recall and the start of a conversation.

So go ahead and make those introductions with ease socially as well as at the workplace. My module on Business Etiquette covers this and more.

Have more questions or want to share some experiences? Feel free to comment below and I will respond.